West Indies Tour 2009

West Indies Tour 2009: Mainly about fish - Day 3

Well every tour has its quiet days and for us this was probably it - - but don’t delete the e-mail yet!

One or two hangovers from Day 2 meant a relatively civilised start to the cricket on the second day of the Barbados test.

England batted well until lunch whereupon we thought the time had come for a little exploratory lunch outside the ground. A convenient food shack was located , and orders placed. The unfortunate thing was the ordering system employed by the Bajan staff seemed a trifle dislocated. Vinny ordered a complex dish – chicken and chips – and after approximately 30 minutes standing in the heat had still not received his grub. Eventually , he gave up in a paddy and asked for his money back. Perhaps they thought it was an advance order for the tea interval!

On our return to the ground shortly after commencement of the afternoon session it became apparent that Phil Tufnell and his good lady were sat a couple of rows in front of us. Phil was on “minding the tour group” duty , and to be honest he looked as if he was a celebrity who wanted someone to “get him out of here” most of the time he was sat with his punters.

We decide to cheer him up. As he returns from a presumably liquid lunch with his girlfriend the whole row has to stand to allow the pair to their seats.

“ Is she really going out with him – is she really going to take him home tonight!” sing the Addis Army

The Barmy Army seem livelier today and now seem to have recovered from the non-appearance of their leader. Dougie has converted his Jesse Ryder song from New Zealand thus:

Allan Stanfrauds an evil man
He embezzles the public whenever he can
He doesn’t give a sh*t about the West Indian Cricket Board
Allan Stanfrauds a sod
He thinks hes a god
Etc etc

Allan Stanfraud he got caught
Laundering money abroad
The constable had to come and take him away
Sherriff John Stone
Why don’t you leave poor Allan alone
Because he is so broke now – he has to go home”.
Etc etc

Lyrics repeated by kind permission of Dougie who we later met at the Tobago ferry terminal. Music and production by the Beach Boys / Giles Clarke.

England bat for most of the day and as Stuart Broad crashes a straight drive for four to bring up the 600 , Strauss declares and so we have a large part of the final session to bowl at the Windies. No clatter of wickets though.

Unfortunately unbeknown to Strauss ( but I bet Simon the groundsman knew all along ) the pitch is flatter and more unresponsive than a sheet of twice rolled suet.

The Windies clock up runs at an alarming rate although we do manage to take one wicket.

At close of play this game is already a X on most peoples coupons – after only two days. Even the photocopied cover to cover newspaper articles about Jade Goody seem an enticing prospect compared with what we are witnessing.

Who says Test Cricket isn’t exciting?

In the evening we all visit Oisins , which is a local fish market town famed for its Friday night fish feasts. All manner of local seafood is on offer including dolphin, swordfish , shark and flying fish. I notice there are also flying Guinness bottles at our table, as Freddie accidentally tips a full one over my best Kiwi shirt and shorts.

Before I even start drinking properly I look as though Ive soiled myself at both ends , which dampens my evening somewhat.

After the excellent meal some of us repair back to Tara for drinks on the Verandah and a relatively early night. Some of us however have other plans.

Saint has been in contact during the day with Kelly , the exotic dancer from the lap dancing bar the previous night. Junior from Gangsta Cabs is thus summoned to take Saint and Son of to St Lawrence Gap where Saint’s date awaits and he enjoys a second fish meal of the evening with Kelly at the exclusive Bajan restaurant , “ Mattress”.

After the meal the pair swap shirts , and photos are taken. Thus the name “ West Ham Kelly “ is born. Son of is not so lucky. Being an uninvited gooseberry at this meal he spends the rest of the evening chewing bones of his own in the local KFC with Junior for company.

He said it was finger lickin’ good though!

Both Saint & Son of arrive safely back at Tara at approx 4.am. They have “lost” the electronic door control, and so Vinny the gateman has to rouse himself from a 20-sleeping pill induced coma to let them in.

More in day 4.

Quote of the day

Wycombe “ Im still confident we can roll these bast**ds out for less than 400 tomorrow”.


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