Australia Tour 2006/07
We're Gonna Win 4-1
Morning Pommie B******s welcome to work this sunny Monday.
A tropical storm is about to descend upon Brisbane and its only 6 hours too late. That little prat Ponting’s decision to bat again could have left him with egg on his face.
Having said that the performance from England was so far under par Monty would have been proud - Colin Montgomerie that is - our Monty was sat on the bench twiddling his thumbs.
The authorities here have done all they can to ruin the atmosphere of this match but today although we expected to lose we at least had the chance to stand together and sing as the Aussie scum, stayed away in their numbers.
Those daft enough to watch the end on TV this morning should have heard the din.
The police have been very heavy handed although there was one funny one in the ground throughout who looked like Chuck Norris and now has his own Barmy song - at least he had a laugh with us.
We were arrested the other day for leaving the pub and crossing the road when the green man wasn’t flashing. An Aussie motorcycle cop pulled us up and upon seeing us in our England gear used his year’s of extensive detective work to ask "are you guys here on holiday?"
He demanded ID and Tom showed his 1985 Students Union card, Tractor her membership card fro the "Love you long time" disco in laos and Mike showed his Man City Supporters club card ( Windsor Branch ) . I didn’t have any ID and he became suspicious of the contents of my betfair ticket holder.
Thus my name has gone into the annals of Aussie criminal history as Mr Soltan c/o The Boots Co. PLC , Nottingham , England.
A little Aussie humour for you now courtesy of the taxi drivers who to be fair are characters.
Q "How do you know when the London plane has arrived in Brisbane"
A "You can still hear the whine an hour after the engines have been turned off! "
Form guide for Brisbane; 10=stormer 1=stinker
Stresscothick - AWOL
Strauss - 3 - 2 suicidal shots must do better-typical Middlesex!
Cook - 5 - tried hard 2nd inns
Bell - 5 - tried hard 1st inns when all around collapsing
Collingwood -7- great 2nd inns knock, gave it away though
Pietersen - 7 - aggressive 2nd inns
Flintoff -5 - bowled ok 1st inns batting much to be desired
Jones -5- scored a few runs but never looked convincing
Giles -6- useful runs but hasnt the talent to win test matches for us
Hoggard -5 -tried as ever but ineffectual
Anderson -5- ineffectual bowling decent fielding and effort
Harmison -2- sorry Steve I’m being generous with a 2. We hope you are elsewhere in Adelaide with that attitude mate.
Monty in the wings.
Next report from Adelaide